Husband-Stealer Gets Scammed

My cousin Emma has this sick obsession with "testing" all my boyfriends. No matter how many times I tell her to back off, she gets some twisted satisfaction from playing her little game. Her routine? Seduce them, dump them, then blast our family group chat with announcements about how my latest guy "failed the test."

But this time? This time I set a trap just for her. And like the predictable drama queen she is, she walked right into it.

Emma's been living her best divorced life for three years now, funded entirely by her ex-husband's massive alimony payments. One week she's dating underwear models, the next she's showering some college kid with designer gifts—her dating schedule puts CEOs to shame.

So when she set her sights on my six-month boyfriend Jack, I wasn't even surprised. Honestly, I'd been expecting it ever since my mom accidentally met him.

See, my mom has one fatal flaw: she's chronically competitive. And since Emma married rich (and stayed rich post-divorce), with my aunt never shutting up about it, Mom's new life mission is me landing a husband who puts Emma's ex to shame. My lack of progress on this front? Her personal nightmare.

I first spotted Jack across a crowded bar. Took me half a year of strategic dating to lock him down. Younger than Emma's ex? Check. Hotter? Obviously. Richer? Please—his watch collection alone could buy a penthouse. Basically, Mom's dream son-in-law.

Cue her immediately spamming the family group chat with his photos and throwing virtual confetti (read: red envelopes) about my "impending wedding."

I tried damage control with a casual smirk and "Chill guys, it's not that serious."

Mom fired back with a paparazzi-level photo of Jack: "LOOK AT HIS FACE. LOOK AT THAT BIRKIN. HOW IS THIS NOT SERIOUS?!"