My Wife and Her Dog

My wife kept a large Samoyed.

It had pure white fur and looked impressive.

Around her, it nuzzled and licked, gentle and obedient.

But it bared its teeth and snarled at me, even biting and injuring me.

I suggested she get a smaller dog instead and give this one away.

She absolutely refused.

Then one night, my wife came home drunk and collapsed spread-eagled on the bed.

The Samoyed leaped onto the bed in a flash.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Damn it! All this time, I'd been sharing the same entrance with a dog!

I rushed to get a divorce.

That same night, I saw my wife's social media feed.

She posted a picture of two marriage certificates.

The caption had just one word: Perfect!

As a key member of the Sales Department, business trips were routine for me.

Over the years, I felt I'd let my wife down the most.

I was always away, leaving her alone to care for our twin sons. It was tough on her.

One day I returned from a trip to find a large Samoyed at home.

It had pure white fur and looked impressive.

Around my wife, it nuzzled and licked, gentle and obedient.

But it bared its teeth and snarled at me.

It even bit my finger when I tried to pet it.

I repeatedly suggested she get a smaller dog and give this one away.

She was reluctant, saying she'd had it for almost a year and had grown attached.

It made sense. With me away, a pet kept her company.

Then came that night. My wife came home drunk and collapsed spread-eagled on the bed.

The Samoyed leaped onto the bed in a flash.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Damn it! All this time, I'd been sharing the same entrance with a dog!

Caught in the act, she showed no shame. Instead, she was defiant.

"What's wrong with the dog? It's better than cheating on you with some man, isn't it?"

"You're never home, always on business trips. Did you expect me to live like a nun?"

"It's just physical need with him. With you, it's real love!"

I vomited instantly, retching until bile came up.

This crazy woman was beyond help, completely delusional.

I'm a normal man. I couldn't stand sharing a woman with an animal.

I had no choice. Gritting my teeth, I asked for a divorce.

I expected her to beg for forgiveness.

To my surprise, she agreed readily.

Right in front of me, she passionately kissed her dog-man!

I couldn't wait another minute. I rushed us to get the divorce certificate.